Putting your Love Language to work
Here are examples of things you can do to speak your Love Language to yourself.
QUALITY TIME—DO SOMETHING BY YOURSELF REGULARLY
Morning pages, the practice of writing three stream of consciousness pages each morning. This is especially good if you fall in the “quality conversation” sub-section of quality time
Naps
An hour in the morning to relax, read, have coffee, watch
TV before going to work
Go to the movies by yourself
Go for a walk
Read a book you love
Watch your favorite TV show
PHYSICAL TOUCH—DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR BODY OR FOR YOUR BODY
Manicures/pedicures
Blowouts—I love getting my hair blown out at Dry Bar or
a place similar. It feels like such a treat.
Workouts
Yoga class
Long walk
Shower
Nice long bath with candles
Masturbate—solo sexy time
Hold a hot mug of tea or coffee
Spend time outside to feel a nice breeze or the sun on your skin
Do a face mask
ACTS OF SERVICE—DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF
Errands—grocery shopping, take your clothes to the drycleaner
Chores—laundry, cleaning your room, changing the sheets
Book travel ahead of time
Buy yourself a dress a month before a wedding or event you have to attend so you don’t have to worry about it.
Do laundry
Make your bed every morning
De-clutter your space. Get rid of the things that you don’t love anymore.
Packyourlunch(maybeeventhenightbefore)
Hire someone to do any of the things listed above for you
That thing you’ve been meaning to take care of forever— do that!
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION—DO SOMETHING
TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR STRENGTHS AND BEAUTY, WHAT MAKES YOU YOU
Share your successes with someone close to you
Write your successes down, try a “win” list
Keep a gratitude journal
In her book Money: A Love Story, Kate Northrup recommends an exercise that every day for 21 days you write things down that you love about yourself. You can’t repeat.
Have a dialogue with your inner critic and/or intuition
Repeat a mantra. Example: inhale strong, exhale stable
Make a list of compliments and positive feedback people have given you or keep a “praise” folder in your email. Review regularly.
RECEIVING GIFTS—GIVE SOMETHING TO YOURSELF, BUY SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF
Buy things for yourself
Get yourself flowers once a week
Treat yourself to a new book or journal
Buy yourself a nice cup of coffee or tea every morning
Take leftovers home from dinner out, from parties, etc
Get a pack of pens you really like
Give yourself permission to buy the nicer bottle of wine you like
Knit yourself a scarf
Splurge on that one pair of just-out-of-your-normal
budget shoes or one bag that you really want

Here are all the ways that you could be showing your body and mind self-love in your everyday life:

Sleeping properly
Eating healthy
Giving yourself time and space to understand your spirituality
Exercising regularly
Thanking yourself and those around you
Playing when you need it
Avoiding vices and toxic influences
Reflecting and meditating
Spending time in nature
Saying self love mantras
Reading inspirational books and blogs
Listening to uplifting music
Watching tv/films that reflect your soul nature
Breathing into your body and acknowledging what you are feeling

We have to work on our mental health just like we have to work on our physical health. Contentment doesn’t fall in our laps. We have to create the the time to think, feel, experience, journal, wonder, inspire, reflect, meditate, spend time in nature and reach out to others.

Whatever you feel you needed (validation, support, safety to speak the truth), accept and make peace with the fact that you may never get these things from them. You can’t rewrite history, and it may be likely that they are still, now, incapable of giving these things to you. What you can do today, right now, is begin to release the habit of self-repression that you may have learned from the past.
How do you do that? Start to shine light and love on your truth, whether that’s turning your attention to your true passions that may have been ignored or taking baby steps to speak up on what
work for you. Often we swallow our own opinions or needs in order to “keep the peace.” It’s time to take very small steps to rock the boat!
If you are subconsciously holding out for someone else to finally “see” you or love the real you, drop in with yourself and ask: “Do
I see the ‘real’ me? Am I allowing my true self to be voiced, to be seen, to take up space?” Do you have spaces in your life where you can let your guard down and be authentic?
I’ve found that having my truths validated is hugely important, and this simple exercise is a good place to start: Visualize a kind, benevolent being (which could be a trusted friend or person you know, or your preferred idea of the universe/higher power/spirit) is with you, saying, “I love that you love.” Then allow yourself to list all the things you love! Write down what you come up with.
“I love that you love making art. I love that you love dancing. I love that you love to have fun.”
This always leaves me feeling reaffirmed and self-secure. It never fails to make me feel happy to be me. And it allows me to feel loved for who I truly am, not for what I do for others.
If you have repressed anger, frustration, or resentment (which is likely when we repress part of ourselves), find ways to healthily express it—for example, through a martial arts class.
Send love and validation to the aspects of yourself that perhaps your peers, family, and colleagues didn’t or don’t “get.” You have to expand to be all of yourself.

A lot of self-love work is about uncovering that hidden part of yourself and giving it light.

The only hope for healing is to offer a better form of ecstasy, to upgrade so the addict will give up the stupid one.