In many spiritual traditions, it is the heart, not the head, that is the center of knowing. The voice of the heart is heard in prayer, meditation, and imagination. Find a quiet place and close your eyes. Place your hand over your heart, and draw several deep breaths. Now think of those things on which you invested energy during the past week. Consider how each of these items contributed to or detracted from your contentment. Now, still holding this list of items in your mind, consider how you feel about this assignment of resources. As you continue to breathe calmly, shift your attention to your heart, and ask it what is required for its contentment. For what does it yearn? Don’t try to answer right away for your heart, just wait and listen. If the answer seems complicated, your outer personality is interfering. For the inner Self things are simple. When you have an answer, compare this with your earlier list. Notice what feelings arise. Then consider investing some of your money, time, and energy in what your heart yearns for as opposed to what your head desires.

There is a human tendency to turn even spirituality into an attempt to get what we want. For example, we may pray to God to help us avoid suffering. This represents a fundamental confusion between serving the desires of the ego and serving the divine. We get closer to the divine by accepting that suffering cannot be escaped, but must be embraced as part of life. “Following your bliss” is not a call to narcissism and getting what you want. It is pursuing the rapture that resides at the core of your suffering.

Working with dreams is a complex subject about which entire volumes have been written. (For example, please see Robert A. Johnson’s earlier book, Inner Work.) However, if you watch your dreams, sincerely try to relate to them, and follow four basic steps, they will give you an accurate illustration of what is happening in your inner life. These steps are: Write down your dream and make associations to each key image. What meanings can you give the images in your dreams? Connect dream images to inner dynamics. What emotional or spiritual parts of yourself do the dream images represent? Interpret. Put together steps 1 and 2 to arrive at the dream’s meaning for you. Ritualize the dream to give it reality. Create a meaningful personal ritual to “dream the dream on” or to bring its potential into the world.

It has been said that, in a sense, all sickness is homesickness. Like the extraterrestrial in E. T. or Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, we all carry with us a memory and a longing for something left behind. We yearn for home. What is your image of home? Close your eyes, relax, and allow an image of home to come to your mind. What is the landscape, the season, the time of day? Who is there, what do you see, and what can you smell? Pay attention to the details, and bring your senses into play as you explore your image of home. Now ask yourself, “What is required for me to realize this gift of home?” Our nostalgia for home shows us not just where we come from, but where we are going; not just our heritage, but also our destiny. Regardless of your childhood experience, home is rightfully a place of belonging, safety, and comfort; it is the place where your most precious treasures are kept…
There is a treasure, the fulfillment of existence, that we search for everywhere. But it can be found in your own home, under the hearth, within the circumstances of your current life. When you find it, you build a house of prayer in your heart.

Self-Esteem Statements
_____1. I like and accept myself as I am right now, today, even as I grow and evolve.
_____2. I am worthy simply for who I am, not what I do. I do not have to earn my worthiness.
_____3. I get my needs met before meeting the wants of others. I balance my needs with those of my partner and family.
_____4. I easily release negative feelings from other’s judgments and focus instead on living my life with integrity and to the best of my abilities.
_____5. I always tell myself the truth about what I am feeling.
_____6. I am incomparable and stop comparing myself with other people.
_____7. I feel of equal value to other people, regardless of my performance, looks, IQ,
achievements, or possessions.
_____8. I am my own authority. I make decisions with the intention of furthering my own and others’ best interests.
_____9. I learn and grow from my mistakes rather than deny them or use them to confirm my unworthiness.
____10. I stop my critical self-talk and replace it with a nurturing, kind, encouraging voice.
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____11. I love, respect, and honor myself.
____12. I am not responsible for anyone else’s actions, needs, choices, thoughts, moods, or feelings, only for my own.
____13. I do not dominate others or allow others to dominate me.
____14. I have good physical and emotional boundaries with others.
____15. I feel my own feelings and think my own thoughts, even when those around me
think or feel differently.
____16. I stop using “shoulds” and “oughts,” which are value judgments that put me or
another down. (It is irrelevant what I should have done or should do. It is more
important to know what I am willing to do and not do.)
____17. I am responsible for changing what I do not like in my life. I face my problems,
fears, and insecurities and take appropriate steps to heal and grow.
____18. I am a person of my word and follow through on the things I commit to do.
____19. I forgive myself and others for making mistakes and being unaware.
____20. I believe my life counts. I find meaning and have purpose in my life.
____21. I deserve love and happiness even when others blame or criticize me, for I cannot
control what others think about me.
____22. I take care of myself on all levels: physical, social, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
____23. I spend quality time with myself on a regular basis.
____24. I release unreal expectations for myself and others.
____25. I choose to love and respect all human beings regardless of their beliefs and actions; some I have a personal relationship with and most I do not.

How to Love Yourself

Stop all Criticism
Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself your changes are positive.
Don’t Scare Yourself
Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure and immediately switch your thoughts to pleasant ones.
Be Gentle, Kind and Patient
Treat yourself with patience, gentleness and kindness. Treat yourself as you would someone you love.
Be Kind to Your Mind
Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Gently change your thoughts to more loving ones.
Praise Yourself
Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Tell yourself how well you are doing with everything.
Support Yourself
Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it most.
Be Loving to Your Negatives
Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new positive ways to fulfill those needs. Lovingly release the old negative patterns.
Take Care of Your Body
Learn about nutrition. What does your body need to have the optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. Cherish the temple you live in.
Mirror Work
Look into your eyes often. Express the growing sense of love you feel for yourself. Forgive yourself for all as you look into the mirror. Once a day say “I love you” at yourself in the mirror.
Do It Now
Don’t wait till you get well, lose weight or get a new job. Begin now, do the best you can.

Putting your Love Language to work
Here are examples of things you can do to speak your Love Language to yourself.
QUALITY TIME—DO SOMETHING BY YOURSELF REGULARLY
Morning pages, the practice of writing three stream of consciousness pages each morning. This is especially good if you fall in the “quality conversation” sub-section of quality time
Naps
An hour in the morning to relax, read, have coffee, watch
TV before going to work
Go to the movies by yourself
Go for a walk
Read a book you love
Watch your favorite TV show
PHYSICAL TOUCH—DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR BODY OR FOR YOUR BODY
Manicures/pedicures
Blowouts—I love getting my hair blown out at Dry Bar or
a place similar. It feels like such a treat.
Workouts
Yoga class
Long walk
Shower
Nice long bath with candles
Masturbate—solo sexy time
Hold a hot mug of tea or coffee
Spend time outside to feel a nice breeze or the sun on your skin
Do a face mask
ACTS OF SERVICE—DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF
Errands—grocery shopping, take your clothes to the drycleaner
Chores—laundry, cleaning your room, changing the sheets
Book travel ahead of time
Buy yourself a dress a month before a wedding or event you have to attend so you don’t have to worry about it.
Do laundry
Make your bed every morning
De-clutter your space. Get rid of the things that you don’t love anymore.
Packyourlunch(maybeeventhenightbefore)
Hire someone to do any of the things listed above for you
That thing you’ve been meaning to take care of forever— do that!
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION—DO SOMETHING
TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR STRENGTHS AND BEAUTY, WHAT MAKES YOU YOU
Share your successes with someone close to you
Write your successes down, try a “win” list
Keep a gratitude journal
In her book Money: A Love Story, Kate Northrup recommends an exercise that every day for 21 days you write things down that you love about yourself. You can’t repeat.
Have a dialogue with your inner critic and/or intuition
Repeat a mantra. Example: inhale strong, exhale stable
Make a list of compliments and positive feedback people have given you or keep a “praise” folder in your email. Review regularly.
RECEIVING GIFTS—GIVE SOMETHING TO YOURSELF, BUY SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF
Buy things for yourself
Get yourself flowers once a week
Treat yourself to a new book or journal
Buy yourself a nice cup of coffee or tea every morning
Take leftovers home from dinner out, from parties, etc
Get a pack of pens you really like
Give yourself permission to buy the nicer bottle of wine you like
Knit yourself a scarf
Splurge on that one pair of just-out-of-your-normal
budget shoes or one bag that you really want