anyone ever feel like you wanna go home – but not like to where you live, I mean like back to the source of your being? I wanna be stardust. I wanna go home.
Be angry about what they did to you. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be. Don’t let anyone tell you who you should and shouldn’t forgive.
behavioural and emotional patterns of living in abuse:
- you spend most of your time shut in your room
- you’re scared of footsteps approaching your door
- you prefer not to come out unless there’s nobody home
- when they come back you run to your room/safe place
- you’re nervous and anxious if you have to spend time in presence of others
- you try to get away from your home, you wish you could live somewhere else
- your self-confidence is very low
- you worry about making too much noise (have a feeling you’ll get yellet at
or abused for it)- you try to move around as silently as possible and try to not be noticed by
anyone- you feel uncomfortable and uneasy sitting at the same table as rest of
family/housemates- you don’t feel like you belong here
- you feel like a burden to your housemates
- you don’t feel like you’re worth having around or supporting in any way
- you don’t feel like anyone will ever love you or believe in you
- you don’t feel like anything you do is good enough
- you can’t stand someone watching you do things like cleaning or anything
else you need to get done- you try really hard to still find good points about your life and cling to
them- you strongly worry that you are somehow worse than anyone else
- you feel like you’re behind on everyone and that you’re failing to live
your life properly- you don’t feel like anything would have changed if you died, or even that
it would be better if you didif you’re experiencing most of this, you’re going through abuse. Your value
isn’t in any way less than other humans, and you are absolutely not any kind of
burden. You are human who is forced to live in a way humans aren’t meant to
live. You are in living conditions that disable you from feeling happy,
fulfilled, or even seeing yourself as a human being. You are suffering. What is being done to you
is not okay. You deserve better than this.
Do you know how abuse feels like?
A friend asked me to make her a cup of peppermint tea. After making it I realized that I accidentally made chamomile tea instead of the one she asked for.
I stood in the kitchen, panicking, shaking and crying, thinking that she’d throw the cup at my face, calling me a stupid bitch.
I’m 20 years old and I don’t live with my abusive parents anymore.
Our bodies may grow, but the abused little child will always live within our hearts.
I know you are tired, I know you feel like giving up. But you are not going to, you know why? Because you are strong. And you have survived all the shit life has put you through, you can survive recovery.
Someone: wow! you’re so mature for your age!
Me: thanks, it’s the trauma
You know what’s the worst thing about abuse?
You think everyone is gonna hurt you like your abuser.
Everyone is gonna hit you like your abuser.
Everyone is gonna belittle you like your abuser.
Everyone thinks you’re a burden like your abuser.
Everyone is gonna yell at you like your abuser.
And that’s why you still flinch when someone raises their hand.
Overthink when someone doesn’t reply to you.
Panic when someone’s voice tone changes.
You see your abuser is everyone’s eyes.
A friendly reminder for people with repressed memories
You didn’t make your abuse up.
Your abuse is real.
Your abuse is 100% valid.
Your memories of abuse aren’t fake.
Having repressed memories means that your brain tried to protect you from the horrible pain you have endured, and it’s more common than you think especially in csa survivors.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
