From relationships and work to self love and structure, commitment phobic people can struggle with the fear of commitment on a daily basis. You might even feel angry towards a commitment phobe because of their lack of commitment to you or with the ways they make commitments and retreat from them at the last minute… It’s important to understand that commitment phobic people want to commit but their fear overwhelms them. They want to love, share and experience probably all the exciting things you are suggesting but they cannot say yes without experiencing high levels of anxiety. This fear comes from early experiences of abandonment and loneliness in the commitment phobe’s life.
There are ways you can get the commitment you are looking for from your commitment phobe friend/ partner but it won’t be easy. Commitment phobes are wonderful people to have in your life but they are like flowers and will test your patience for a long time until they bloom.
If the commitment phobe tells you about their fear of commitment, it is a sign that they want you to know about it so you can understand them and be in their lives. The next three moves are down to you:
1. Be understanding – Be someone who doesn’t think their fear of commitment is a selfish act but understands and appreciates where the anxieties are coming from. Tell them you know how hard it is for them to agree to something before you suggest something, and let them know that you don’t need an answer right away.
2. Practice tough love – Be someone who is emotionally stable and secure enough to not get sucked into the games the commitment phobe plays out. If you begin to become scared or angry about their lack of commitment, they will feel like you’re not strong enough for them and walk away. Be kind, but firm. Be honest about your own needs and stand your ground.
3. Show them commitment – Be someone who is committed to help the commitment phobe feel safe enough to come out their hiding place. Commitment phobia, like all fears, is just a wall to hide behind. Seeing that there is nothing to fear is a great relief to a commitment phobe and their walls will begin to slowly melt away.
Don’t be seduced into the games or walk away. Be patient and consistent. If you want the love you know a commitment phobe has locked away in their heart, stay strong, open and committed… Those are the reasons they were attracted to you in the first place.
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