moon dust in your lungs

stars in your eyes

you are a child of the cosmos

and ruler of the skies

People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.

I’m not going to give up on you. I’m not going to leave you. I’m not going anywhere. I’d never abandon you. It’ll be okay.

Before you get close to me, I have to let you know, that I am not like other girls.
At first, I will be crazy about you, I will try my hardest to lure you into my life. I will romanticize about you, I will magnify your beauty and minimize your flaws. My whole life will be about you, and my happiness will depend on your approval.
But this infatuation, it’s blind darling, because once the honeymoons over, your flaws become intolerable and your beauty will slowly fade in my eyes.
The emptiness in my soul will start to arrise again, the emptiness that uses infatuation for fullness.
You’re a drug that starts to lose it’s power, and I begin to seek for a better hit, elsewhere.
The love and security you give me will feel too heavy for me, until I withdraw at a distance.
You will keep trying your hardest to please me baby, but you can’t.
For I already have my eyes on somebody else; some fresh medicine to help plaster the void my father left me.

PTSD sufferers with a primary or secondary flight response frequently overreact to their tiredness with workaholic or busyholic action. They run so compulsively from their depression, that they eventually exhaust themselves physically, and at times become too depleted or sick to continue running. When this occurs, they collapse into an experience of abandonment so painful, that they re-launch desperately into “flight” speed at the first sign of replenished adrenalin. I have witnessed a number of such clients misdiagnose themselves as bipolar because of the extremes that ensue from desperately pursuing the adrenalin high and eschewing the abandonment low.

I have an insane amount fear. Of everything PTSD related to any friendship, trusting anyone, relationships, jobs, words and I mean literally everything. I can’t believe anyone when they tell me they care, love me or will be there for me. I feel like everyone will abandon me and everyone is lying to me.

Every night
That I don’t hear
From you is like
Losing you
All over again.

When you look at me
Do you see
The girl you loved
Or the girl you left?

Dear Future Daughter:

1) When you’re at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won’t regret it. Often times you’ll find the strangest of people have the most captivating of stories to tell.

2) Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whilst desire will emerge as acid, slowly making it’s way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.

3) No one is going to fucking save you, anything you’ve read or heard otherwise is bullshit.

4) One day a boy is going to come along who’s touch feels like fire and who’s words taste like vanilla, when he leaves you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.

5) Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If its midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you’re not so sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry’s and afterwards, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently.