If you were raised in a family where closeness was not a reality, you are much more prone to form an addictive relationship for two reasons: first, you were taught to distance yourself from people, not connect with them; second, growing up in this type of family left you with a deep, lonely emptiness that you’ve wanted to have filled. Addiction offers the illusion of such fulfillment.

Once you understand introversion and extroversion as preferences for certain levels of stimulation, you can begin consciously trying to situate yourself in environments favorable to your own personality–neither overstimulating nor understimulating, neither boring nor anxiety-making. You can organize your life in terms of what personality psychologists call “optimal levels of arousal” and what I call “sweet spots,” and by doing so feel more energetic and alive than before.

The most heartbreaking thing of all is how we cheat ourselves of the present moment.

There are many degrees of madness. Philosophy, Psychology, and Literature are to name but a few.

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.

Start with body acceptance. Body love will come.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we feel so uncertain and vulnerable that we can’t go about the business of living our own lives? Why, when we have proved we are so strong and capable by the sheer fact that many of us have endured and survived what we have, can’t we believe in ourselves? Why, when we are experts at taking care of everybody around us, do we doubt our ability to take care of ourselves?

Gratitude isn’t a tool to manipulate the universe or God. It’s a way to acknowledge our faith that everything happens for a reason even if we don’t know what that reason is.

Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible – controlling that which we cannot – and instead, focus on what is possible – which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.