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Happy National Polar Bear Day!! In the spirit animal world Polar Bear is reminding you how enormously strong and full of courage you are. He has come to help you stand up to your current challenges in life, no matter how intimidating they are. You will never be overwhelmed. This white bear also reminds you that you can thrive in environments that may be hostile to others.

You know how to use your own power. You are fierce and strong yet playful at the same time. You know how to pursue what you want deliberately and powerfully. You are not afraid to show aggressive behavior – however you use it for defensive purposes only rather than bullying your way through things. You are a good provider and you enjoy the responsibility of providing for others.

When this bear crosses your mind it signifies a reawakening within you. This aspect of yourself will defy adversity and reflect a fearlessness of never giving in to your problems. Alternatively Polar Bear may also reflect a person in your life that you can depend on to do the right thing. You have the ability to compromise nothing to negativity. Polar Bears in dreams are considered good omens.
Polar Bears often signify an improvement in your circumstances.
Connect with this great bear today and tell us about your experience of polar bear energy. 🐾

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Relationships play a key role in eating disorders. Known as Attachment Theory, emotional support, empathy and acceptance a child receives enables self-worth throughout life. Without healthy attachments, self-esteem is diminished; food is a replacement for relationships an individual craves. Causes of EDs are complex and are unique as is the individual who develops one. Understanding psychological & relational aspects is important in choosing treatment and in establishing an infrastructure for long-term recovery.

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It is wonderful for the therapist to listen to clients reporting on new activities that are solely for the sake of pleasure without any compensatory eating disorder behavior (in order to undo or punish the self for indulging.)

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How can a person with an eating disorder who has major trust issues, body image distortion, demands perfection from herself, coupled with a desire to please and accommodate others at the expense of herself be in a situation which necessitates letting go – risking being out of control?  Not easy.

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Many victims of sexual abuse become promiscuous, masochistic, or even fantasize about rape during consenting lovemaking without realizing that they are hooked on the “high” of relief they experience by blocking out their assault. Likewise, they can repeat this “forbidden high” by bingeing and purging. Some bulimics compulsively follow rituals which might mirror repeated incidents, such as molestation from a babysitter every Saturday night or visits from a sibling when parents are out of the house. Forced eating and vomiting also parallel the act of forced oral sex. These repetitive behaviors may be an attempt on the part of the unconscious to complete the original abuse in the present. An even more upsetting eating pattern may be the result of Satanic rituals, which could involve swallowing excrement or blood. Given the appalling scope of sexual trauma within this context, it is apparent that an eating disorder can be a crucial mechanism for survival.

Although we are defining sexual abuse here in terms of more extreme behaviors, practically every woman has suffered sexual humiliation in some form or another. Their breasts have been “accidentally” brushed up against, their virginity has been the subject of male gossip, and they have been whistled or jeered at by strangers. In all of these cases, the female is victimized by the standard line, “She was asking for it.” It is no coincidence that epidemic numbers of women also suffer from some type of food/ weight conflict, the most common of which is dieting. Sadly, women’s bodies have become their enemies instead of the natural wonder that they are.

Sexual trauma must be treated in a safe, trusted environment. Coming to terms with the experience, repressed or not, and returning the inner child to an experience of unconditional love and acceptance is a tremendous undertaking. It requires gentle understanding and patience by therapist and patient alike. Keep in mind that eliminating the binge-purge behavior without introducing healthy coping skills can result in a reliving of the original horror. Making some kind of peace with the nightmare that lies beneath the bulimic surface is best achieved with the guidance of a trained and skilled professional (Schwartz, 1996).

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Having a relationship with food makes it difficult to have full relationships with others, thus eliminating the risk of another betrayal. Depending on the individual’s internal survival tools, being extremely large or thin, or even perceiving one’s self as too large or too thin, is a way of keeping potential abusers at a distance. Finally, the painful and violent act of vomiting is a way of expressing and releasing rage and self-loathing.

How bulimia is related to sexual trauma

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An eating disorder works to protect, repress, complete, divert, numb, or confuse these feelings and memories. Certainly it is not within a child’s realm of possibility to blame the abuser for what happened, but even an adult will tend to blame herself for the attack, making her body the focus for hatred and control. Stuffing down food will stuff down the anger and silence the voice that cries out, “Don’t do this to me!” Planning and executing a binge will numb anxieties and deny physical needs, such as hunger or affection. Being in charge of what does, and does not, go into the body is a way to symbolically regain that control which was lost during the original trauma.

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Getting in your car late at night to find a way to satisfy your urges. Planning how you will use behaviors after you leave a social function. Not being able to focus on the person in front of you because your urges are so high. Feeling incredibly guilty for doing something so ‘gross’.

Hiding the evidence of your behaviors. Promising you will never do it again.

Those who struggle with bulimia and binge-eating know these experiences first-hand, and so do people who struggle with sexual addiction. Sometimes these difficult struggles can go hand-in-hand, and both can follow a similar pattern of thoughts and behaviors.

Rituals are the ‘preparation’ stage of using behaviors. This may involve driving to a grocery store for the binger or beginning to surf the web for the sexual addict.

It can also involve beginning the day in a certain way, picking a fight with a spouse or wearing certain clothes. Rituals serve to enhance the anticipated behavior as well as induce a kind of trance or feeling of being on auto-pilot.

The actual use of the behavior can last only minutes or extend through an entire day. Either way, the ultimate goal is the same—to experience the relief from pain, anxiety and ultimately the feeling of shame.

One one-hand the behaviors are the high-point of the experience and on the other hand they ‘break the spell” of the trance which began with the rituals. What follows can feel devastating.

“I’ll never change” | “I’m disgusting” | “I can’t believe I did that”

These are all common thoughts which quickly rush into the brain following the use of behavior. The feeling of hopelessness is closely accompanied by more feeling of shame.

This can sometimes immediately lead to another cycle of rituals and behaviors but often results in moving on to the next stage of the cycle.

This stage is characterized by the all-too-familiar statement, “I’ll never do that again” and can produce it’s own sort of ‘high’ and desire to ‘get clean.’ In fact, it, like the bulimia, binge-eating, or sexually compulsive behaviors, it may be another way of running from the feelings of shame, and it is just as ineffective.

This resolve fails to effectively deliver someone from this vicious cycle for two reasons:

First, is that it only attempts to deal with the behavior, not the experience of being wounded which created the distorted thinking in the first place. In fact, it reinforces the thinking and feeling of being flawed. Secondly, it does little to rewire the neuropathways in the brain which are so strongly associated with the habitual behaviors.